I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have already put on my inside pants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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