her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
