I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
