hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
