my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
