My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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