T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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