May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
false alarm. still invincible.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
