Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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