dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
