i just wanna soil my oats bro
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Never underestimate the power of titties
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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