Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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