i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
