Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
