Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
