There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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