Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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