so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
