I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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