I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
