I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
