Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
