Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
