Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
