Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize