I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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