Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
