So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
