Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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