i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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