He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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