My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
