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This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
