Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
