He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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