i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
