I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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