I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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