just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize