I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
