I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
