she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
