Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
