we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
