Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
