your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
