Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
