PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize