'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think your dad took our porno
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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