i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My cat gives me a boner
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have fence marks all over my body
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
