lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
