why do cheetos always look like penises
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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