im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
