i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
