im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
