I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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