I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
