You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
