I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
