took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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