Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
