Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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