So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are the jesus of drinking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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