I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
