So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So many bounce houses so little time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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