And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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