i may or may not be watching the land before time
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
