I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
