you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
