hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
