I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
