I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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