We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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