Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
