Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
