I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
