matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
